Bizarro Alert: Borderline France

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 22nd, 2009

Cover art for borderline-013

Hot on the heels of Skull Fragments, comes another appearance in France. Borderline magazine has just published Jerome Charlet’s French translation of my short-short, “The Cow Cafe” (Au Vachement d’Cafe) in their 13th issue.

Of import: this issue is focused primarily on the BIZARRO genre, and includes translations of work by such over-the-top and outre writers as Jeremy R. Johnson, Kevin Donihe, Andersen Prunty, Jeremy Shipp, Carlos Gardini, artist Maxime LeDain, and an interview with horror writer Kealan Patrick Burke. Good to see the ‘bizarros’ getting the international attention they deserve.

The cover is wildly suggestive and weird.

The Writer’s Workshop of Horror

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 16th, 2009

WWOH-1

Learn from 30 terrifying masters


I’m pleased to appear in this brand new book of advice for those who want to improve their horror fiction, called order The Writer’s Workshop of Horror (ed. Michael Knost, Woodland Press, Aug 2009). It’s focused exclusively and deeply on the craft of scary storytelling, with a stellar line-up of contributors that include the likes of Clive Barker, Joe Lansdale, F. Paul Wilson, Ramsey Campbell, Brian Keene, Elizabeth Massie, and too many more to list:  from grand masters to rising stars, the book is a treasury of wisdom you’d be hard pressed to find elsewhere.  If the (also fantastic) Horror Writer’s Association guidebook, On Writing Horror, was your introductory course, consider this one your senior year textbook.

You can now order The Writer’s Workshop of Horror early from Woodland Press for just $21.95 and you’ll be among the first to get it in August.

Here’s a small excerpt from my contribution, called “Stripping Away the Mask: Scene and Structure in Horror Fiction”:

…horror is a striptease of suspense.  It is an inherently exhibitionist genre, as much as it is the genre of fear.  And this may very well be why horror gets a bum rap from the literati:  horror can make a reader feel dirty, because it refuses to obey the inner censor that tells us that such-and-such is morally wrong, that such-and-such is ugly or grotesque, that such-and-such is perverse or unhealthy, that such-and-such is unreasonable or irrational, that such-and-such is dangerous or inhumane.  Horror writers seek truth in the darkness.  They remove the mask, to peer unabashedly at what it hides, horrendous warts and all….

If you wish to write horror stories, it is imperative that you understand this aesthetic.  There are no “rules,” really, because readers only expect the unexpected when they pick up a work of horror.  In place of rules, we just have a worldview that says:  “Readers peek between their fingers.  I refuse to look away.”  We remove the mask.

Visit Woodland Press for more on this exciting guidebook to working on the dark side.

2008 Bram Stoker Awards Announced

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 14th, 2009

This press release just came in, hot off the ether:

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Horror Writers Association celebrates 2008 Stoker winners

At long last, the anticipation is over. The Horror Writers Association has announced the winners of the 2008 Bram Stoker Awards at its annual Stoker Banquet held tonight as part of the Stoker Awards Weekend held in Burbank, California.  Nine new bronze haunted-house statuettes were handed over to the writers responsible for creating superior works of horror last year. This year’s winners are:

Superior Achievement in a NOVEL

DUMA KEY by Stephen King (Scribner)

Superior Achievement in a FIRST NOVEL

THE GENTLING BOX by Lisa Mannetti (Dark Hart Press)

Superior Achievement in LONG FICTION

MIRANDA by John R. Little (Bad Moon Books)

Superior Achievement in SHORT FICTION

“The Lost” by Sarah Langan (Cemetery Dance chapbook)

Superior Achievement in an ANTHOLOGY

UNSPEAKABLE HORROR edited by Vince A. Liaguno and Chad Helder (Dark Scribe Press)

Superior Achievement in a COLLECTION

JUST AFTER SUNSET by Stephen King (Scribner)

Superior Achievement in NONFICTION

A HALLOWE’EN ANTHOLOGY by Lisa Morton (McFarland)

Superior Achievement in POETRY

THE NIGHTMARE COLLECTION by Bruce Boston (Dark Regions Press)

Works can be recommended by any member of the HWA. Members with Active status then vote works onto a preliminary ballot. From there the field is narrowed to the final ballot and Active members choose the winners from that. The award is named for Bram Stoker, best known as the author of Dracula. The trophy, which resembles a miniature haunted house, was designed by author Harlan Ellison and sculptor Steven Kirk.

HWA also presented its annual Lifetime Achievement Awards and its Specialty Press Award. F. Paul Wilson and Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, who both received Lifetime Achievement Awards this year, were on hand to accept. The Specialty Press Award went to Larry Roberts of Bloodletting Press.  The Silver Hammer Award, for outstanding service to HWA, was voted by the organization’s board of trustees to Sephera Giron. The President’s Richard Laymon Service Award was given to John R. Little.

Lisa Morton, who organized this year’s event with John R. Little, commented on the location chosen for this year’s event: “It was nice to come home again to Burbank (where the event was held in 2005). It gave us a chance to emphasize more business and film opportunities for our members this year, and hopefully even gave a little extra glitz to the awards banquet.”

For more information, visit www.horror.org.

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Also see the complete final ballot on the HWA weblog, if you’re compiling your 0wn “best horror stories of the year” reading list.

Teachers of Terror Take Note

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 14th, 2009

Dissections: The Journal of Contemporary Horror just released their May 2009 special issue on “issues of teaching the horror genre in the classroom.”  Sure, I’m in there with a discussion of “learning objectives” in a horror course, but with essays like Doug Ford’s “The Sublime Trials of Jack Ketchum: Teaching ‘The Girl Next Door’ in the Era of Torture P**n” and poems about classic movie actors by Bryan Dietrich, you know you’re getting something as fascinating as it is educational.

Dissections: The Journal of Contemporary Horror

Dissections: The Journal of Contemporary Horror

Classic Car Accident Ad Slogans

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 14th, 2009

Have You Driven A F*rd Over A Stroller Lately?
This Is Your Late Father’s *ldsmobile.
V*lvo. For Life Support.
Killt F*rd Slough.
Ch*vy. The Last Heartbeat of America.
Chummer — Like Nothing Else!
Ponti*c. We Are Driving Excrement.
Grab Life By The Horns. That Won’t Stop Honking.
Sa*b. Move Your Mind. Off My Lap.
B*W. The Ultimate Chicken Machine.
V*lkswagon. Drivers Haunted.
Juice in Engineering. *udi.
C*dillac. When You Turn Your Car Off, Does It Return The Favor?
Unlike Any Other. Mortcedez Endz.
B*ick. Drive Beautiful. Into Crowds.
The All New Ch*vy. Built to Last Breath.
H*nda. The Power Of Screams.
S*turn. Like Always. Like Never Before. Like Rotten Haggis.
L*coln. Reach Higher. We’re Sinking.
I Hate What You Did To Me — T*yota!
Tahrvernoggin!

Goreletter 5.04 Mailed

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 14th, 2009

The Goreletter Vol. 5, #4 was e-mailed to subscribers on 14 June 2009 @ 4am est. It contains extra material not available here on the weblog version, including exclusive discounts on several horrifying goodies!

Note: the subtitle for this issue was dropped from the mailing’s subject line. It is titled “The Goreletter 5.04: Black Saabath”.  This was the 40th issue of the newsletter, publishing free since 2002. The next issue will begin Volume 6.

If you subscribe and did not receive this issue, e-mail me for a replacement or review the archives at gorelets.com.

Subscribe today…it’s free and you can always unsubscribe if it terrorizes you too much. Issues are mailed only a few times per year, so your inbox won’t suffocate.

– Michael A. Arnzen

Flash Reviews of Semi-Autobiographical Fictions

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 13th, 2009

Sorry for the length of this section, but I’m making up for lost time. This time around I offer four three “flash” reviews of books that are quite effective because they inexplicably feel “autobiographical” in some way, despite being entirely, totally, and thankfully made up.

>> Chimeric Machines by Lucy A. Snyderchimeric
Snyder is a massively talented writer — the sort who knows how to make you take a gulp when you hit the ending of a story or poem — and this poetry collection made me gulp with awe on virtually every page. Although her poetry/fiction collection Sparks and Shadows remains the best introduction to this writer’s work in print, Chimeric Machines is her best work of poetry to date, because it is the most personal and — as usual for her writing — profound in its observations of the emotional undercurrents and potential for fantastic transformation in everyday life. The title made me thing the collection would be rife with fantastical creatures but this is deep poetry; literary writing, much of it seemingly autobiographical, tinged with a fantastic worldview. In these poems, which often turn whismical — as in the poem where the narrator vomits a squid in an exceptionally visceral moment — even the squid carries weighty ominous meaning. Many are dark, such as “The Monster Between the Sparks” (which is the space you see between the stars), and chill you where you thought you warm. Others explore hopelessness — but with a tiny spark of hope underneath the snuff of the universe. With an introduction by Tom Piccirilli and collaborative contributions from Gary Braunbeck, many horror readers would enjoy the experience of this collection. This is not horror poetry, always, but it is something bigger, something simpler: just great poetry. Snyder’s Chimeric Machines deserves to win a literary award.
Available for about $10 from http://www.creativguypublishing.com

>> Don of the Dead by Nick Cato
I read this novel in advanced form, and it should be out very soon from Coscom Entertainment. Cato is the man who had the audacity to bring my absurd novelette, Licker, into print, mostly because he is simply a huge fan of horror-humor. His upcoming novel (his first?), Don of the Dead, is clearly a labor that reflects that same love of comedy and terror, mashing together the mob story genre with the zombie genre into a concept story that seemed pretty fresh and original to me, despite the dripping saturation of the genre with zombie fiction and film these days. I recently sent him an endorsement for the book, so allow me to simply say “I laughed a lot” and reblurbitate it: “It’s as if George Romero has eaten the brains of Mario Puzo, Martin Scorcese and Dave Barry and spit out fictional gold.” While this story is only likely to appeal to zombie and mob fans, I count myself among them, and recommend it to kindred spirits looking for a good Troma-styled romp. (And if you know what “Troma-styled” means, then you’re one of them). Available shortly from
http://www.coscomentertainment.com/webstore.html

LDCipher>> Latter-Day Cipher by Latayne C. Scott
It’s not often that I read religious-oriented fiction, and I’m going to bet that most readers of The Goreletter haven’t even heard of this book. But Latter-Day Cipher (Moody Publishers, 2009), the first suspense novel from Latayne C. Scott, strikes me as a very bold step into some very challenging and original waters: the shadowy history of the Mormon church. In Latter-Day Cipher, a journalist is assigned to cover a series of bizarre (and I mean bizarre!) and gory murders in Utah, involving strange symbolic carvings discovered in the flesh of the victims and a 19th century document written entirely in code with ties to the Latter-Day Saints. Along the way, the Church of LDS tries to silence the publicity (sound familiar?) while a madman seems to be following archaic LDS religious practices quite literally. Scott uses fiction to explore what would happen if the early rite of “blood atonement” was still carried out today, while also realistically exploring the spiritual crises of her characters.

In the book’s afterword, Scott makes a case for the reality of “blood atonement” rituals, but I felt a little skeptical of >some< of this, given her own status (broadcast very clearly in the book) as a recent convert away from a long-held following of Mormon principles. The book seems to be constructing an argument against Mormonism in favor of Christianity as much as it is trying to tell a story that illustrates it. While Scott isn’t to blame, this undercurrent is why I usually don’t read books like these — because the writer’s agenda or ideology seems so close to the surface of the text that I have problems suspending disbelief. But this book manages to transcend such matters by raising such intriguing and unique questions. I have to say that Latter-Day Cipher is such a compelling and scary story that it stands on its own two feet as a proper psychological suspense novel: Scott’s deft and successful storytelling abilities — and her zeal for telling an original story while simultaneously investigating the historical realities of the Church — on top of all the weirdness that is everywhere apparent in the story — really won me over. I kept forgetting I was wearing my black skeptic’s hat as I read it. So if you’re tired of the usual serial killer fair, or if you want to see what Anne Rice really SHOULD be writing post-conversion, then this is a book you’ll want to read. Take a look at the neat book trailer and other information at the author’s website: http://www.latayne.com/

[Review of Blankety Blank by D. Harlan Wilson also posted in The Popular Uncanny...]

offal

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 13th, 2009

It’s funny: when I turn to my dollar-store dictionary for advice on the correct way to pronounce “offal” it says “awful”! I thought so. There’s nothing wonderful about offal: it’s all awful, even in its very utterance.

Offal is butcher’s term for the “less valuable edible parts of a carcass” — which is another way of saying the “guts” that are left over after the “meat” has been cleaved into muscular, familiar chunks. But the important thing to remember is that while these aren’t worth much, they’re still “edible.”

I think horror writers often use the thesaurus to look up synonyms for gut-terms. I know I do, and end up spending hours giggling as I turn through the pages (”ocular jelly”…tee-hee-hee…or in the right circumstance, “BInocular jelly”…har-har-har…or given the right animal, “RHINOCULAR JELLY”…bar-rar-rah!). But if a writer says “offal” when they really mean “entrails” or “intestines” then you have to wonder: did they just yank that word from a thesaurus or do they REALLY intend to suggest that their character’s bowels are edible?

Consider this test case from an imaginary story:

She swiped her sharpened plastic credit card across his belly and the line it cut proceeded to split open and charge his account with a massive withdrawal of blood and entrails. He scooped his arms around his waist to collect his offal but it spit and spooled out from his gashed abdomen like so many coins from a slot machine, and as the disemboweled man fell into the brackish puddle of his own innards, she chuckled to herself: “I told you: it pays to Discover!”

A-hem. “Offal” might sound like the right word choice in this context, but the term is incredibly out of place, because it refers more to food than currency. This murderer is not a crazy cannibal, just a crazy consumer. If she wants offal, she’ll spend her Payback Bonus Award on a proper tripe dinner at a fancy restaurant (where the waiter better be nice).

But to be fair, my research, albeit scant, on the derivation of the term “offal” reveals that it comes from the Middle English “af vallen” which quite literally translates as to “fall off” — ergo, “afval” was the name given to anything that fell off the butcher’s block. Thus, I stand corrected.

Fine: “Offal” can refer to any body parts that “fall off,” whether edible or not.

But with one caveat. The five-second rule still applies.

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Related Reading: A Head-to-Tail Meal

The Goofy Terror of Richard Benjamin

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 12th, 2009

For your next movie night, rent:

Witches’ Brew (Strock, 1980)
Love At First Bite (Dragoti, 1979)
Saturday the 14th (Cohen, 1981)

Evolving Your Monster

by Michael Arnzen ~ June 10th, 2009

“Monster Evolution” is a clever online game from Nob Studio, in which you terrorize a city eating humans — and if you eat enough of them, you can “evolve” into creatures with special powers and take out the shooters and tanks that come after you.

It’s like Cloverfield meets John Carpenter’s The Thing. Almost.

Try “Monster Evolution” for yourself, and play God(zilla) for awhile: http://www.nobstudio.com/games.html?fid=&gid=18