+ The Bird Flu is not the past tense of “The bird flies.”
+ Avian Influenza is not to be confused with Evian Influenza.
+ People who contract Bird Flu will not necessarily grow wings and fly to heaven.
+ Big Bird Flu is not communicable to humans who aren’t wearing the dorky costume.
+ Bird Flu rhymes with Absurd Goo, but it’s not entirely that either.
+ You cannot transmit Avian Influenza by “flipping the bird” at someone, unless you are doing so literally with an infected canary.
+ You will not know why the caged Bird Flu sings. Wheezes, maybe.
+ The Bird did not Flu the Croup.
+ Bird Flu is no longer what you call the feathered carcass you discover clogging up your chimney.
+ Chicken Pox is not Bird Flu; it’s much itchier.
+ Do not attempt to cure Bird Flu with Chicken Soup, or you’re doomed.
+ God’s punishment for cockfighting is not bird flu, but an impoverished social life.
+ Cat Scratch Fever is not guaranteed to prevent Bird Flu.
+ Bird Flu is not a terrorist attack on the South during the winter.
+ Bird Flu is not congenitally transmitted during infant delivery by stork.
+ No one in America died this November from Bird Flu. The recent mass decapitation of turkeys seems to have saved us. For now.

Related Link:The Daily Show: Rob Corddry’s HealthScare (streaming Windows Media Format movie)