NOTE: THIS CONTEST IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED. However, you can still post a ‘pithy morbid thought’ — a dark quotable quote from a dead person — if you wish, in the form of a comment to this post. View the winners here.
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What is a “Pithy Morbid Thought”?
A brief philosophical quip — often ironic — about death, disease, horror, torment, fear, terror, etc. I collect them for inspiration and uncomfortable moments at dinner parties. They also serve as “curtains” which close out each e-mail issue of The Goreletter. Here’s an example of one of my favorites (from Goreletter 2.7):
Peace Meal
“I believe in compulsory cannibalism.
If people were forced to eat what they killed,
there would be no more wars.” — Abbie Hoffman (died 1989)
I want YOUR pith. Give me a good one to use in a future issue of The Goreletter. If I like it a lot, you can win one of five free prizes:
Five different people will win one of these prizes:
a FREE signed copy of PLAY DEAD hardcover
a FREE signed copy of PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS softcover
a FREE signed copy of 100 JOLTS softcover
a FREE signed copy of AUDIOVILE cd
a FREE signed copy of FREAKCIDENTS softcover
The rules are simple:
a) post a comment to this message that includes your favorite “Pithy Morbid Thought” from a dead person. You must include their name, the title of the work you’re drawing it from (if available) and the year they died. You can give it a title if you want (like I did with “Peace Meal” above). For more inspiration, see the previous Pithy Morbid Thoughts in The Goreletter.
b) only ONE entry per contestant, so choose wisely!
c) be sure to include your e-mail address when you enter, so I will be able to contact you for delivery should you win a prize. If you include a link to your website, too, all the better, because I can include that in my newsletter.
d) understand that posting an entry is no guarantee of a prize or publication. I may or may not use your PMT in future issues of The Goreletter. Also submit with the understanding that I will delete any entries that I deem offensive to junior web visitors or legally problematic due to copyright or obscenity law.
Chosen winners will be the TOP FIVE ENTRIES with the pithiest of quotations, in my personal opinion, with one prize going per contestant. CONTEST ENDS JULY 1st AT MIDNIGHT, EST. I will announce winners in the e-mail edition of The Goreletter and in the blog. The winning entries may also be reprinted in The Goreletter blog column by the same name.
[This contest is a substitute for the one that was running last month on The Haunt... they lost their forum pages and the entries that were posted originally there, without a backup. So Haunt members should repost their entries here.]
From 
[...] Comments: Bailey Hunter: Death: To stop sinning suddenly. Elbert Hubbard (1856 – 1915) Robert Brouhard: “If [...]
THE CONTEST HAS CLOSED… but feel free to post more for posterity.
Winners were announced live with much drama on http://www.twitter.com/MikeArnzen this morning. I assigned all entrants a number and used http://random.org to pull random winners out of the virtual hat, then announced as I went a long live on twitter.
Thank you all for sharing your favorite sick quotations and participating in the blog. Means a lot to me. When readers play along, it only encourages my illness even further. So I parasitically feed off it and right now I am making those funny sucking sounds like Hannibal Lector does whenever he mentions Chianti.
Which is my weird way of saying muchos gracias.
Below are the twitter announcements I sent out with the prize winners listed. Congrats one and all. — Mike Arnzen, http://www.gorelets.com
Prize Winner #1 in Pithy Morbid Thoughts contest is @wdprescott You won a sgnd hc of my novel PLAY DEAD! http://tr.im/qC07 Congrats!
Prize Winner #2 in Pithy Morbid Thoughts contest is @APMonkey You won a sgnd pbk of PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS! http://tr.im/qC2F Congrats!
Prize Winner #3 in Pithy Morbid Thoughts contest is Chris Valk. He won a sgnd pbk of my book 100 JOLTS! http://tr.im/qC5j Two winners left..
Prize Winner #4 in Pithy Morbid Thoughts contest is @JohnPupo. He won a sgnd cd of my album AUDIOVILE! http://tr.im/qC6Z One winner left!
Prize Winner #5 in Pithy Morbid Thoughts contest is Ron McGillvray! He won a sgnd copy of my poetry book FREAKCIDENTS! http://tr.im/qBZa
Death: To stop sinning suddenly.
Elbert Hubbard (1856 – 1915)
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with. ”
-Michael Jackson (died June 2009)… Hey, someone had to qutoe him because you mentioned him on Twitter.
As often as Herman had witnessed the slaughter of animals and fish, he
always had the same thought: in their behavior toward creatures, all men were Nazis. -Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer, Nobel laureate, (1904-1991)
I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified like his passengers.
Bob Monkhouse (December 2003)
And yes, I realize it doesn’t quite fit your pithy remark request. But, it’s a cool quote.
Okay. I’m going to take a stab with this one. There is more to it, but I just posted my favorite part. It is a quote from a movie character, Miles, from The Innocents. The character dies in the movie, so that would be 1961. I’m not sure if it is original to the movie and the character or comes from another source. But I love this quote.
“What shall I say when my lord comes a calling? What shall I say when he knocks on my door? What shall I say when his feet enter softly? Leaving the marks of his grave on my floor.”
I forgot the date of Poe’s death in my first post, so I am posting it again. “I killed myself and I saw my ride
to the morgue,then to the grave.
a dirty sheet my cut wrists to hide
and my relatives from the sight to save.” I am unsure from what works this is from. He died on 10-7-1849
The Monster Called Hollywood
“If they tell you that she died of sleeping pills you must know that she died of a wasting grief, of a slow bleeding at the soul. ”
-Clifford Odets (1963)
“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen
“Blondes makes the best victims. They’re like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.”
Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)
People fear death even more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend. – Jim Morrison (1943-1971)
“The living are ruled by the dead. One cannot practice a science well unless one knows its history.”
Auguste Comte. In: Sournia J-C. The Illustrated History of Medicine
“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
Hunter S. Thompson (American Journalist and Author, 1937-2005)
Someone else may have said this already:
“That which does not kill us was obviously not putting enough effort into it.”
“Decay and disease are often beautiful, like the pearly tear of the shellfish and the hectic glow of consumption.”
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977) in the movie Monkey Business
“The graveyards are full of indispensable men.” – Charles de Gaulle (Died 1970)
“Every man comes into the world morbid.” — Dr. Samuel Johnson
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”
Mae West d. 1980
Scott & Joshua win a free copy of SKULL FRAGMENTS just for being first to enter (notice appeared on twitter!). But the contest remains open till July 1 2009. Enter for your chance to win one of five free books!
Here’s one I like, by the always quotable Winston Churchill, “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
Who Needs Snake Oils.
“Death is the cure for all diseases.” — Sir Thomas Browne (died 1862)
You may already have this one, but it’s one of all my favorite quotes involving death.