I just finished teaching a wonderful “Horror & Suspense Writing” course at Seton Hill University. Under my office door last week, I found a slip of paper from an anonymous student, who was writing down the weirdest of the wacky things that came out of my mouth during lectures and discussions. Here’s a select few snippets of profound wisdom:

On point-of view in horror fiction:
“You shouldn’t be writing in First Person Singular all the time…instead, try writing in First Monster Singular.”

Responding to a question about sexual perversion in horror fiction:
“What do you mean?  Necrophilia is the safest of sexes.”

On ghosts and the supernatural:
“There are no friendly ghosts in horror. Try running off with Casper to his friendly place and it won’t be long before he turns around and eats you.”

When arriving late during a snowy day:
“I had so much snow in my shoes today, I almost fell down three flights of stairs, which would have been bad for the metal plate in my head.”

On genre:
“Horror and fantasy have a lot in common, but you know horror when you see it. If your story starts out with unicorns and fairies having sex, that’s not horror, but it’s still pretty scary.”

On conflict:
“Characters shouldn’t whine, ‘oh, wah, I hate my life.’ Try ‘I hate my job, I hate my mother, and, oh yeah, I have a knife in my belly, too.’ Your protagonist needs to be in agony.”

On word roots:
“Agony and aggravate have nothing to do with agriculture.”

On the psychology of horror:
“Horror fiction is about looking at yourself after you hack a person to pieces…and your brain is thinking ‘Gee, I still want that pickle.’”

If you somehow expected this entry to have actual advice, I recommend you go pick up a copy of the textbook we used this semester:  On Writing Horror 2nd Edition, edited by Mort Castle. 

[This class was a lot of fun.  At the end of the term, we had a writing contest with the grand prize of a pinata that my wife made in homage to Edvard Munch’s “The Scream.”  You can find a photo of this in the brand spanking new online gallery at gorelets.com.