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THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter
Recipient of the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Alternative Forms!
Published 1-4 times a year. Departments and features include: dark humor columns + twisted writing prompts + strange snippets + sadistic statistics + Arnzen's trademark unpleasant poems: "gorelets" + links to oddities on the web + "dictionscary" terms + Arnzen news + coupons + contests + pithy morbid thoughts galore!
"The Goreletter is good enough to read all the way through....It's very entertaining, often funny, full of interesting observations and interesting links. Highly recommended." -- Bruce Boston
"The Goreletter is the most inventive, most entertaining, and SICKEST author newsletter out there! Mike Arnzen is not well." -- Jeff Strand
"Packed with writing prompts, flash fiction, macabre poetry, and lots of giveaways, The Goreletter provides hours of entertaining pleasure. Of course, you may want to take it in small doses at first, otherwise your head might just explode like that zombie in 'Brain Candy.'” – Jason Jack Miller
Can't wait for the next issue? Watch the weblog at: http://www.gorelets.com/blog/
Join the Michael Arnzen Social Network at http://michaelarnzen.com
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Archives:
The Goreletter 7.01a: EXTRA!
Sent January 27th 2013
The Goreletter 7.01a: EXTRA! +++ SUBSCRIBER ALERT! +++ Our campaign on Kickstarter for The Fridge of the Damned -- a "gorelets"-based horror poetry magnet set sponsored by Microhorror.com and Raw Dog Screaming Press -- ends in just a few days (Feb 1st). See: http://kck.st/YUsPdL Guess what? As of this writing, thanks to many of you, it is already FUNDED! Huzzah! So these insane poetry magnets of torment will definitely be manufactured and shipped in March to sully kitchen su...
The Goreletter 7.01: Cibophobia
Sent January 13th 2013
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 7.01 | January 13, 2013 +++ ======================== ARNZEN NEWS + THE RETURN OF THE FRIDGE OF THE DAMNED I have joined forces with indie publisher Raw Dog Screaming Press and horror flash fiction site MicroHorror.com to launch a Kickstarter campaign to bring the nefarious "Fridge of the Damned" back from the dead...and into reality. Long-time readers of The Goreletter might remember that the damned fridge was...
The Goreletter 6.02: Weird Juice
Sent October 19th 2010
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 6.02 | October 19, 2010 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Weird Juice Stabble Fungalberry Kiweird Cocktail Poisonberry Phlegmonaid (With Extra Pulp) Embalmigranate Bashin' Berry Scabapple Scrape Juice Angerine Spineapple Strango Slaughtermelon Smoothie Crampelope Slimeade Neck Nectar Horrange Slitrus Lime Gaspberry Upchuck Cherry Slopical Punch Scarfruit Granbury Scarrot Leech ===========...
The Goreletter 6.01: Of Mice and Tentacles
Sent October 31st 2009
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 6.01 | Oct 31, 2009 +++ ======================== HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2009! It's my 20th anniversary as a published author, and this issue launches the SIXTH volume of The Goreletter! To celebrate, I'm giving away a free e-book: SPORTUARY, an electronic chapbook of sports-related horror poetry, long unavailable and out-of-print, now expanded into 54 pages in a new and improved 2nd edition! The ebook is available in .pdf a...
The Goreletter 5.04: Black Saabath
Sent June 13th 2009
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 5.04 | June 14, 2009 +++ ======================== SPECIAL 40th ISSUE! That's a lot of Goreletter. And, yes, it's been almost a full year since the last issue. So it's an anniversary issue, of sorts, too! I'll try to be more timely in the future, but as of Volume Six -- the Volume of the Beast -- this e-newsletter will no longer be delivered as a steady Quarterly -- it is now officially a "Whenevericannerly." ...
The Goreletter 5.03: Wackee-Packed!
Sent July 2nd 2008
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 5.03 | July 2, 2008 +++ ======================== NEWSFLASH A NEW WEBLOG! The weblog edition of The Goreletter has moved to: http://www.gorelets.com/blog/ I'd like you to drop by and post a comment to help me warm up the new home. You'll find a "caption contest" there as part of the housewarming party (see below for more details). The blog now includes the ability to post comments on any department, share yo...
The Goreletter 5.02: Grim Henzen Productions
Sent April 2nd 2008
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 5.02 | Apr 2, 2008 +++ ======================== NEWSFLASH: PROVERBS FOR MONSTERS WINS 2007 BRAM STOKER AWARD for "Superior Achievement in a Fiction Collection" Tied with Peter Straub for his book, 5 STORIES Thanks to everyone who read, voted, and sent me kind words. I'm still in disbelief. What a year! Congratulations to all the winners and nominees...I recommend all of their books. -- Michael Arnzen The St...
The Goreletter 5.01: Cold Cuts
Sent October 19th 2007
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 5.01, Oct 19, 2007 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Cold Cuts One of the ways I entertain myself when I stand in line at the local sandwich shop chain is by watching the cold cut artists behind the counter as they prepare my meal. They arrange the order line so you can customize your sandwich as they create it, dictating what toppings and sauces you'd like to include in your meal. It makes y...
The Goreletter 4.04: BLUGH!
Sent July 18th 2007
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 4.04, July 18, 2007 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. 13 Furnishings You'll NEVER Find at IKEA BAGEMUP Mob Hit Throw Rug with Latex Backing GNUCKS Knucklebone Beaded Curtain HOOGAFLOOF Neck Pillow Stuffed with Ukrainian Owl Eyes NOZZOIKS Teflon Glove for Throwing Electric Chair Switches JYMJONZ Paper Cup Dispenser SM�GMAR Bordello Mattress Liner STYNXEE Swedish Pine Urinal Disc SLAZISU...
The Goreletter 4.03: Introducing MyBlade
Sent February 11th 2007
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 4.03, Feb 11, 2007 +++ ======================== THE NEW GORELETS.COM I have finally overhauled gorelets.com. It was time to rearrange the furniture. I'm still doing some heavy lifting, but please drop by and take a look around. You'll bump into a few kinks, and some old things have been relegated to the morgue, but you'll find lots of fun new pages to check out, especially the "Creations" page. New free excerp...
The Goreletter 4.02: The Wink of the Cyclops
Sent September 1st 2006
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 4.02, Sept 21, 2006 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. Why it Sucks to be a Cyclops + The giant monocle seldom looks flattering. + The forehead horn is completely worthless. It just gets in the way, actually. + The loss of depth perception makes it hard to know just where to bite when feasting on live meat. + No one gets it when you wink at them. + The eye chart at the optometrist's office is ...
The Goreletter 4.01a: EXTRA!
Sent June 19th 2006
EXTRA Arnzen Wins Third Bram Stoker Award! I'm happy to report that my book of mutant character studies-in-verse, FREAKCIDENTS, has just won the Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a Poetry Collection! This is my third Stoker, and I'm jumping with manic joy. Thanks to all who have sent me kudos, and many thanks to the Horror Writers Association -- this is probably the highest honor for horror literature, and I honestly am humbled to receive it. You can read a transcript of my acceptance speech on gorelets....
The Goreletter 4.01: Tender Cuts
Sent May 26th 2006
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 4.01, May 26, 2006 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. The Alpottoir Take a walk down the pet food aisle, the next time you're at the supermarket. Marvel at the rows of canned meat and bags of hearty pellets -- all those wasted by-products scraped from the slaughterhouse floor and the oily sludge trellises of the fishery, all that scrapple repackaged for consumption by animals who really have n...
The Goreletter 3.06: Extreme Makeovers
Sent February 11th 2006
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 3.06, Feb 11, 2006 +++ ======================== Note: this issue is both longer than usual and later than usual. There's a reason for this. The Goreletter is reducing the number of mailings per year from 13 to 4-6. That means longer, meatier newsletters, but you'll receive them less often. If you ever worry about missing an issue, be sure to check The Goreletter weblog or archives, accessible via gorelets.com. See the &q...
The Goreletter 3.05: Avian Phlegm
Sent November 27th 2005
======================== THE GORELETTER: Arnzen's Weird Newsletter http://www.gorelets.com +++ Vol. 3.05, Nov 27, 2005 +++ ======================== BLATHER Blather. Wince. Repeat. What Bird Flu is Not + The Bird Flu is not the past tense of "The bird flies." + Avian Influenza is not to be confused with Evian Influenza. + People who contract Bird Flu will not necessarily grow wings and fly to heaven. + Big Bird Flu is not communicable to humans who aren't wearing the dorky costume. + Bird Flu rhymes with Abs...
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